Just recently got a note from a stepmom saying she is giving up and divorcing her husband after the holidays. Said she just can’t deal with all the pressure anymore. What pressure? Her young teen stepdaughter is rude and disrespectful to her and to her dad. Period. Rude stepkid. Divorce.
So much to say about this. But I’ll just hit the highlights:
1) Running away is not an option. You might get a divorce, but you’ll never get away from the failure and the fact that your partner’s children scared you and you ran away in tears. You’ll remember your failure the rest of your life.
2) You promised. “Til death do us part.” If you break your promise you will be internally damaged in your spirit for ever.
3) Your own kids are watching (or your family, your friends, etc). They will judge you on whether you keep your promise. You will live with your new reputation always
4) Your mate trusted you when you made your solemn vow. You convinced him or her to trust you. You persuaded them that you were an honest, trustworthy person.
5) Rude stepkids are part of the landscape in stepfamilies. Everybody has ’em. If your stepkid is rude, it is just an indication she’s breathing.
Stepparents: please keep in mind that your stepkids are victims of their parents’ divorce. You are their lifeline to find hope again.
• If your stepkids are rude, it’s because they’ve never been taught to be nice … TEACH THEM yourself. Make a lasting memory for them.
• If your stepkids are rude, it’s because they’ve been through a DIVORCE! as KIDS! Show them how to recover with love.
• If your stepkids are rude, it’s because their parents are frightening them. Show them peace and comfort, even if they’re rude to you.
• If your stepkids are rude, it’s just part of being in a stepfamily. Your job is to provide stability and reassurance to them, rude or not.
Don’t give up. For your stepkids’ sake; for your spouse’s sake; for your own kids’ sake; for your family’s sake; for your reputation’s sake; for your own sake. Don’t quit and run away.