I am currently working on rewriting, polishing up, adding new lessons I’ve learned to some of my old newspaper columns. And I though that maybe you would like to see the growth process as it comes along.
Here is a brief addition to a column I titled, “Dealing with the Undead.” The undead here refers to those pesky ex-spouses, ex-in-laws, and even friends of the now ended couple you once were.
The revised part is here:
“You married a person with a past. If you haven’t dealt with it (REALLY dealt with it, not just glossed it over), you’d better soon. This is where a support group can help a lot. Let others act as cushioning as you pry out details about your respective pasts and what they mean to your family today.
You must allow your stepkids – and your mate – to retain that past life. To try to make them hide their past is to steal part of their life. Happy memories of Daddy and Mommy and the kids on a trip together or around a birthday cake are some of the bricks we’re built of. To try to erase them is painful and dangerous.
How arrogant of someone to think they have the right to ask (or insist or demand!) their new partner should forget their past life for you! They had an entire life before you. Granted, it did not end well, but every marriage – every family has good times, has fun, builds happy memories. For you to want to, or try to take that away is very bad. In fact, you need to examine your approach to “love” if you want to steal your new family’s happiness just so you can force your own way on them.”
So, what do you think? If you have any thoughts on the tone, the wording, or the subject, please leave a comment to let me know.
Watch this blog for more rewrites over the next weeks.